Thursday, November 10, 2011

A Moment (A Very Brief Moment) of Clarity

Visiting with a good friend yesterday, I realized that this blog might be a really good sham of my existence. We had a good laugh about the insanity of life in these parts, about the insanity that life brings anywhere really. You don't have to live in Brockway to feel as if you're going crazy. I suppose it can happen just as easily in, say, South Africa or Missouri, as it can right here in our little neck of the woods short-grass prairie.
 "But, seriously," she said to me. "You make it sound like your life is so organized, that your house looks perfect, that you do structured activities with your kids, keep up with the job in town and so on and so on." I'm still laughing at this sweet innocence! Did she know that my daughter had cut off her ponytail just days after I snapped this picture and I admired its length (4.2 years to get this much hair...and its gone)? Did she know that I had burnt up my crockpot by placing it on the stove and then turning the burner on in order to heat up the contents? Did she know that I work banker's hours and stil...still...cannot get the kids out of the door with me on time?

My life could not be further from structured. In fact, the only semblance of structure that I have is that time from five o'clock in the morning to six o'clock when I might sit down and write something here. And that only happens if I wasn't up all night cleaning up after a dog who we forgot to let out before bedtime the evening before.

My mother knows of this lack of structure and planning which I exhibit frequently. When she and my dad come to visit for a long weekend, we have gotten in the habit of playing extreme home makeover. Except this last time, I couldn't even foresee enough in to the future to get everything we needed. She worried that I wouldn't complete the room. That was September. She was correct. My goal is to be finished by Christmas. In my defense, though, I am halfway finished and I have put this inspirational saying on the wall that goes something like this...Carpe Diem. Although it's in English. With a few more words.

The un-madeover rooms of the house remain fairly sparse because (1) the kids or my husband would just break any nice stuff that I purchased, (2) I despise dusting things that have no utility and (3) I'm far too cheap to just go buy myself pretty things that are really quite useless. No, I would much prefer to save my money in a little account and then use it for the deductible when I back the pick-up in to a power pole (true story).

I once had this fantasy of homeschooling my kids because I had read an article about a homeschooling family that took a year, bought an RV and roamed the country. I would be a really awful homeschooling mother because of my lack of structure but I could easily tour the country. However, you can't very well roam the country for 13 years in an RV now can you? Actually, you could, but it wouldn't be for me. I'd miss this place too much.
The reality of life is an amazing thing to share with your children and I think I do a pretty good job of accomplishing that even though, my dear sweet friend, I'm not good at structuring those lessons in reality. Live in the moment, seize the opportunities to teach as they arise and don't feel guilty about lacking in early childhood lessons on days that seem to be stuck in doldrums. Just live. Carpe Diem.

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